(ORP) OMG - A Trollish Delicatessen

[Logo]

// An OPEN RP: Please feel free to enter and welcome to play. //

It had been some time since the night Logo scratched a design into the soil and imagined a fine butchery shop.

Though the skills and temperament of most six year-olds tended more toward demolition, Logo was not one's typical troll. He collected boulders from the river and uprooted trees from the forest, setting himself more or less diligently toward the tasks of construction.

Today, the work was almost finished. Though eyes of Elven blue, Logo inspected his handiwork:
There was a well dug into the ground for cold storage and covered with a trapdoor.
Around a floor of crushed river rock, the trunks of living pine and willow transplants formed four corners, their branches carefully woven into a roof. Slabs of granite formed low walls around which K'Dzoo vines were planted, twined and stretched around the trees to form upper walls. An arch of bent saplings framed a rough-hewn door and a particularly flat boulder topped with butcher-block made a counter.

Logo checked the shop for strength by tugging and pushing against the trees and vines; he made one last search among the branches for for any pixie nests that might have escaped previous security scans. Satisfied that the shoppe was sturdy and secure, the troll hung carcasses of various sizes and sources from the shop's vine and branch rafters. He shoveled soil away from the backyard pit to check on the fermenting Kintapur meat and guessed another day or two before it reached peak flavor.

Logo remembered how important Uncle Boog said publicity was for a re-tailing business, so he carefully drew marketing brochures. Finally, his shop was ready.

Logo walked outside to tack a sign above door of the ramshackle shop.

	. . . . . . . . . Welcome to . . . . . . . . . . ORGANS, MUSCLE, & GUTS . . . Logo's Trollish Delicatessen For strength and confidence, may we suggest: Fried Chicken: 2 Piece, No Biscuit (Dark meat only) Cow Steaks: Aged to perfection (and then some) Trollish Delicacies for the adventurous gourmand: Armored Bolony, Mondogo Ceviche, Cave-style Chittlins' Coming soon: Kintapur Kimshe By Request: Contract extermination slaughter Custom cuts & bulk orders Ask about special pricing for new arrivals. OMG! it's OPEN for business

[AuroraKiye]

Arkie walks along the road and saw a new construction. "Oh my, a new business!" she said, "But what is that.. odor?? It smells like .." she sniffs the air again, and tries to "See" what is causing the malodorous air around the new business. She is surprised, shocked to see so many headless kintapur bodies either digging through each other or perhaps, mm yes.. clawing their path to glorious ripening decomposition and fermentation. Perplexed, she sees then the sign and immediately understands.
"Helloo, anyone here?" she asks as she enters the constructed arborateum. She stands in awe of the workmanship and craft, realizing it takes a lot of work to build the building, and then to open a business. "There you are! Good fortune and blessings on your new endeavor. I didn't know you were going to open a business, Logo. Looks like you're all set for crowds of folks. Maybe I could talk a bulk rate with you before all your stock is bought up?"

[Logo]

From the door of OMG came a call, "Helloo, anyone here?"
"W'oW. My sign worked!" Logo said to himself with some surprise.
He shouted, "Just a moment!" and quickly stomped down the soil over the ripening pit of Kintapur-Kimchi-to-be. On the way into the shop, Logo dunked his hands into the rain barrel in case the visitor was a nosy inspector from one of those meddling bureaucratic agencies like a Bravian Authority for Retail Food Safety.
Though there had been no rain in that barrel for months, the troll was a stickler for following procedure. He was sure any qualified BARFS inspector would notice his diligence.

Entering the shop, Logo immediately recognized his friend and colleague. "Oh! Hello Customer AuroraKiye," he said with a wink, "What do you think? Pretty terriffulous shop, huh? I constructicated it myself," proudly extending his arms around the shop.
*{In point of fact, the troll's arms were too short to allow reaching around his shop. It was, however, completely within the realm of possibility for the troll to do somewhat more than extend his arms throughout it, which is what he actually did.
For anyone curious as to the exact distance represented by the words, 'somewhat more,' the keeper of the OMG shop soon discovered it to be precisely two hands and one third of each forearm.}

Logo pulled his hands and arms back through the walls and into the shop. "These are the walls... Uh'Ow... Ehrm...where ... " he frowned at the neighbor's cat through one of the new portals before turning to AuroraKiye with an abashed smile, "... I'll be ... umm... putting a couple of windows soon,"

As AuroaKiye pronounced 'blessings' on his business, Logo remembered the Cork temple customs. The troll rushed to find the single egg in the shop and made something of a show tossing it from hand to hand.
When, as usual, the egg found itself appropriately scrambled over the floor and his left foot, Logo placed a 1F coin on a plate and handed it to Arkie.
"Thank you for the blessings," he said and made a mental note to visit all of the shops in the Cork town market to bless them himself.

Once the tour of the facility and blessings were complete, AuroraKiye turned the conversation toward business. He answered, "Yes. I've been planning this for over a week, I think. I considered smithing, but butching seemed a better fit."
AuroraKiye was a shrewd negotierator, subtly mentioning volume discounts. Trolls appreciated such tactics, so Logo smiled broadly and offered choices while he fetched some product samples. "Bulk rates? Of course. Perfect for stocking your tavern, no? Would you be interested in a gross of reasonably fresh Stag Chittlins'? You can see I cut 'em cave-style for easy chewing. Or maybe you'd prefer ten cases of the finest Armored Baloney in all of Bravia? Here, have a taste with my compliments. That satisfying crunch and piquant notes of flavor come from slow roasting before they're smoked. No shortcuts here at OMG Deli. I'm certain you'll not find products like these at lower prices. I'll guarantee it."

Logo noticed his customer's wrinkled nose and shortness of breath. "Ahh! The Kintapur-Kimchi! You are a connoisseur aren't you? We will have a goodly supply, but not before next week. When will you be wanting to take delivery?"

[Adonair]

Adonair comes in and looks around, his eyes water from the aromas.

"Hmm, the mondogo ceviche, is it fresh? Ra'id loves it, if its not too expensive, I'd like a large order to go. Also, do you take large orders? If i wanted 50 chicken legs or 100 steaks what would that run me?"

[Logo]

With a nod and whisper, Logo excused himself from AuroraKiye who seemed unsure of which succulent morsels to try first.
The troll was gratified to see tears of joy welling up in the eyes of his first customer. "Take your time, my friend. I understand much of the human joy from fine food is anticipation and leisure. Here is a Nap'Kin for your eyes." "
Leaving AuroraKiye holding a bit of cloth resembling half of a garden glove, Logo turned to greet Adonair.

"Ahhh! Bravia's Mine Minister, our Honorable Lord Mayor Braden, greetings and welcome to the OMG!" Logo bellowed dramatically before leaning toward Adonair to whisper conspiratorially, "Hi, Maestro. I'm glad you came on opening day. Uncle Boog used to say business 80% promotion, 80% service and 100% theater. How am I doing?"

"The Mondogo Ceviche? Fresh? Oh, yes sir! These stomachs were happily digesting wheat only yesterday morning. Now, we salt, parboil and it does take time for the acid to do its job. Most find a full 24 hours marinating brings the best texture. I keep it cool here, just under this tripedoor. " Opening the door set into the shop floor, Logo retrieved two oak buckets. "We do have tomorrow's batch, marinating only 8-hours now, should one prefer chewier viscera with a more ... uhm... forthright flavor." Stabbing into each bucket with sharpened willow branches, he offered Adonair a pair of samples. "Please, enjoy the pleasure of comparing for yourself -- on the house."

While Adonair regarded the citrus-soaked-belly-kabobs, Logo bowed and excused himself. "I'll just be a moment to check some figures for the larger muscle orders. Feel free to browse."

[Adonair]

Adonair accepts the two sticks and muses upon them. "As always, my friend, your generosity is amazing." Logo excuses himself and Adonair tries to convince himself that the mass on the end of the stick is not writhing... surely it is only dripping. Waves of stench radiated, adding to the uncomfortable sight. Idly, Adonair wondered if it were possible for something to stink so much that it took on life of its own. Once Logo goes to check, Adonair returns the delicacies to their respective buckets and awaits the prices. He is quite decided on the fully marinated ceviche at any rate.

[Logo]

Logo quickly checked inventories and set about calculating, shuffling parchments and mumbling, "Carcasses, knives ... amortigize here ... carry the two ... depreciate that ... minus opportunishy costs ... budgeted COGS ... devise by ten ... "

Logo returned with two folded parchments and passed them to AuroraKiye and Adonair with a nod and a smile. "I trust you'll find these quotizaations for bulky orders satisfactorish."
The troll obviously enjoyed playing the part of a serious entrepreneur. "Compared to market prices, we can offer a more substantial discount on cow muscle than chicken muscle. Of course, we are a new shop so for orders much over 20 or 30 pieces we must consider delivery schedules and payment terms."

Delighted to see that Adonair had completely devoured the Mondongo-Ceviche-Kabobs the troll turned toward the counter to wrap his order. "So maestro, which did you prefer? I like tripe tartare; it gives me some use for all the broken eggs." The troll's shoulders shook with suppressed laughter - at what, exactly, only another troll could say.
Handing two oiled-cloth bags to Adonair, Logo grinned, "How about I send a large portion of each. You can let me know which Ra'id enjoyed most on your next visit and we'll settle accounts then."

[Adonair]

Adonair scans the parchment and nods.

Well i was going to just order two pound of the fully marinated, but you're probably right; its best to let ra'id decide. So I'll take two pounds of each, i'm sure i'll use them. I can settle up now. I'll write you out a grant for muscle parts when i'm at my office, it will be in cash and paid in advance.

[Logo]

The troll beamed, "Excellent, Sir! Thank you for the generous terms on the bulk order. I'll just wrap your purchases," as he reached toward the buckets.
Logo paused when he realized his shop had no balance, weighing stones or owner who knew exactly what a pound was.
He attempted to cover his mistake, "Now, where did that ladle... Ah'Ha. Here it is, " and spooned what he guessed would be two plate-sized portions of Ceviche from each bucket onto clean wrapping parchment -- and scooped half again as much of each for good measure - all-in-all about one third of each bucket.

Demonstrating the portions for Adonair's approval, Logo folded and wrapped the parchments, tying them with lengths of K'Dzoo tendrils from the wall. "Keep them cool and each will last until this time tomorrow. If you must keep them longer, add Limon juices or vinegar, but you might find the texture too pasty."
Placing the wrapped packages into Adonair's oil-cloth sacks, he smiled, "That will be two Freznics, please. A half-price discount on all pick-up orders is a promotion for our Grandular Opening. Remember, all OMG products come with our exclusish Double-Your-Trouble-Back Guarantee."

[Adonair]

Adonair accepts the package, guessing that it weighs closer to six pounds each. He pays the troll the asking price and then recites in perfect Troll a saying which translates, "May the bowels of your enemies [competitors] melt with fear."

When the wizard had seen the shoppe was going up he had taken the trouble to look up the appropriate blessing in his book on trollish manners and customs.