[ORP] Ettinford: A Tale by the Sea

[Aileigh]

She'd be lying if she said she didn't feel a bit of relief when Thea said she wasn't trying to get between her and Andrzej. It had been a mild worry she fretted over a bit, but to hear Thea say that offered calm to the concern. She did not know what she'd do if Thea made her choose between them. She couldn't fathom and thankfully, it looked like she did not need to.

Aileigh noted the unusual colour on Thea's cheeks, curious as to what exactly she said to make her blush. It was cute regardless and she was going to make a teasing comment when Thea asked a question. A very important question:

Did she regret the kisses?

Did she?

"No," she responded hastily. She took a small breath and continued. "It was confusing, for obvious reasons... But it was pleasant. There was a sense of peace in the moment. I felt more whole? No, alive. I felt more alive. I'm confused too."

She dropped her head with her admission.

"I love Andrzej. I really do. So why do I keep thinking about the kiss? I don't know. The world stood still for a minute and it was like a breath of fresh air swept into my lungs for the first time. Everything made sense, even when nothing did. Does that make sense?

Do.... Do you regret it?"

[Thea]

Aileigh's response offered a mix of reassurance and further questions.

"No, I do not regret it."

She answered the question first before delving further into her thoughts. She was not as poetic as Aileigh was with her words, but she tried her best to explain her thoughts in an articulate manner.

"Do you feel that you want to be monogamous in your romantic partners? Is that why it bothers you that you enjoyed it and that you keep thinking about it?"

Thea tried not to dwell on Aileigh's feelings for Andrzej, as that was a separate matter now. For now, the wives would deal with what was between them.

"Do you want to explore if there is something more here?"

Those words were incredibly hard for Thea to say. It made her feel vulnerable and exposed and she hated feeling like that.

[Aileigh]

Monogamous.

The word echoed through her mind. She had always been monogamous in the past. It never questioned her. She did not have any negative thoughts on the topic: her mothers did marry a third partner. Her aunt had been in a polyamorous relationship too. She had been exposed to the idea and it never bothered her. Yet, she never considered it for herself.

Should she?

Aileigh slowly looked up. She met Thea's gaze and looked in silence. She took in each freckle, the mesmerizing sunburst of grey irises, the curve of her lashes. Together, they were sharing a moment of vulnerability in a situation unknown and new. It felt strange. She felt alive.

She leaned forward to press her lips to Thea's in response.

[Thea]

It seemed that Thea had asked a question that Aileigh had never taken the time to consider. She could see the look of ponderance on her wife's face as she thought about the issue of monogamy. For Thea, this was something that came naturally to her. The majority of her relationships were what people would label as 'casual' and they were definitely not exclusive. Prior to this, she had never had any inclination toward a romantic relationship at all – in fact, Aileigh was the second person she had ever cared for in this way. To put it simply: Thea was not a monogamous person.

When Aileigh had finished considering, she did not bother to answer with words. She leaned forward and kissed her wife. Thea was momentarily caught off guard but she quickly reciprocated the kiss. It was a very awkward angle to be kissing but she did not mind. After a few moments, she pulled back to look at Aileigh carefully.

"I will not ask you to be exclusive to me if you do not ask it of me either."

[Aileigh]

The kiss was exhilarating. Her heart raced and yet she felt peace. Things felt… Right. It was strange really. Her heart felt whole, she felt more complete. She didn’t realize it, but maybe the feelings she had were still there. Yet, it was more than just a crush now. It was deeper, built by friendship and partnership. The kiss ended, but something told her it was just the beginning.

She felt relief when Thea spoke again. Thea was not going to force her to choose between Andrzej and her. It was a natural concern, but now the concern was telling Andrzej. And telling him what? That suddenly Thea and her were romantic? It was out of left field. He was so patient and kind, understanding her situation, but would that continue when she told him about Thea? She didn’t know. He had to have his limits.

“Agreed. Thank you for not making me choose.” She paused, unsure what to say next. “You know, I’ve been thinking about three weeks ago. And some time before that, really. I think there’s something going on between us. I could feel what you felt.”

Was that what was happening now? No, she trusted the feelings she was having in this moment to be hers and hers alone, not fueled by Thea’s desires.

“It’s mostly been odd feelings of out of place emotions… Like jealousy.” She shifted a bit, placing a hand on Thea’s arm. “Are you sure you’re okay with me seeing Andrzej? I don’t want us to start something that is going to torture you… But I don’t want to choose between you two either.”

Honesty was important in situations like these. She understood that and would continue to be honest with Thea, just as she has always been. Their relationship was built on honesty, from the day she confided her first pregnancy to this very moment.

[Thea]

Thea's brows knitted together in confusion. Being a mere human, she did not often consider the supernatural all around her. She knew it was there but she did not often spend a lot of time pondering this, and thus she often did not fully understand it. The way Aileigh was phrasing this – whatever this was – sounded like magic.

"I am not sure I understand. Do you mean like empathy?"

Her wife placed her hand gently on Thea’s arm while questioning the jealousy. The gesture was meant to be one of comfort, but Thea stiffened at the words regardless. Emotions were difficult for the woman to explain, and this was no different.

"I do harbor jealousy towards him and resentment. I did sort of explain it before when we had our argument. From my perspective on things, he has inserted himself into our life and our family yet he has made no effort to get to know me. It feels like he is shoving himself in and pushing me out in the process. And you may say that is not his intention but then why else would he treat me as largely nonexistent? I understand I am not the most approachable person but that does not change things. For all I know he would be happy to replace me and see me gone."

Thea let out an annoyed huff. Her feelings went beyond romantic feelings, but it seemed that her budding feelings for Aileigh brought the issue to a head.

"Look, I can support you and respect your love for him. That does not mean I have to like him, however, especially as he has given me zero reason to do so."

[Aileigh]

The confusion was obvious and mutual.

“I guess so. It’s new to me. I thought on it and I think it has to do with the ceremony my aunt did. I was planning on writing her, but I haven’t yet… Been a bit distracted waiting for you to come home.”

Empathy was a strange one, but the way things were seeming, empathy appeared to be the answer. Things were strange these days, after all. What was a bit of empathy in the grand scheme of things?

“I think it’s just the beginning of it all. I don’t understand it, but I will do some more research and let you know what I find.”

The ceremony Morjiana performed was one intended to bind them together. Why it would take a year and a half for the results to kick in, she didn’t know. Maybe it had always been there, it just had never been noticeable until Thea’s emotions were high.

Aileigh listened to Thea and acknowledged her words with the occasional nod. It wasn’t until she said her piece did Aileigh speak.

“If I am to be honest, which I always am with you — I think he’s afraid of stepping on your toes. He is the odd one out, Thea. It’s been you and me against the world, not him and I. He’s the outsider and he understands that. He doesn’t want to upset you or overwhelm you. I can see how his distance has created a negative impact though.

I can talk to him, if you’d like.

Thank you for not making me choose.” She shared her gratitude once again before sighing softly. “Life is messy.”

She paused before looking at Thea again.

“Can I ask…. Do you think this is a serious thing? You and I. I have a fragile heart.”

She was a hopeless romantic. It was easy to get hurt with that mindset, not that she expected Thea to hurt her. The situation was new though and she was unsure how deep it really went.

[Thea]

Confusion was an uncomfortable feeling. Aileigh seemed to have few answers at this point, so for now Thea resolved to put this out of her head. This was her wife's area of expertise and she would inform her when she needed to know something. Thea would not linger on the topic any longer.

She listened as Aileigh offered up excuses for Andrzej and did her very best not to pull any faces while she talked. Thea was an extremely judgemental person – it was probably one of her biggest flaws. The words offered did little to assuage her bitter feelings.

"I do not want you to play the middleman, Aileigh, please. He is a grown adult capable of making adult decisions. I could have brushed it off as cultural differences, but the rest of your people have always done their best to make me feel welcomed and included even when I do not always understand things."

Maybe she thought it was easier to hold onto her resentment at this point or maybe she did not want her partner to get her hopes up that the issues between them could be resolved. Either way, she did not feel the onus was on Aileigh to fix things.

Thea was not prepared for the next question in part because she thought the answer was obvious. She also struggled with emotions and expressing herself. She sighed and ran her fingers through her messy brown hair.

"I am not good with expressing myself or my feelings, which after a year and a half of living with me I think you probably have figured out. This is foreign to me in almost every way, but I have no desire to break your heart. Not to mention that starting this and quickly ending this would make our marriage extra messy, would it not? I guess that is my longwinded way of saying this is serious."

The words felt weird on her tongue but she meant them nonetheless.

[Aileigh]

It was understandable that Thea didn’t want her to be the middleman between her and Andrzej. Frankly, she didn’t want to be either because it sounded exhausting. Still, she wanted them to get along and made the silent decision to approach her lover about the situation. She’d have to tell him about Thea anyway, so it seemed relevant enough to bring up naturally.

She could see the struggle Thea was having in expressing herself. Thea was never good with words, but she really seemed out of her comfort zone. Aileigh tried to reassure her with a grateful smile.

“Thank you for sharing. I know it’s difficult, but it means a lot to me. I just… I don’t want to ruin things. I don’t want us to ruin things.

We are good at being on the same page, but this is new. I think if we communicate well, stay on the same page, this has a good chance. We skipped a few steps along the way to marriage and a family.” She laughed. “But I am happy to start this adventure with you.”

Smitten. Was she already smitten? Probably. Her romantic heart was thriving. Aileigh laid back to look up at the stars, sighing softly. It was a content, happy sigh. It was moments like these that she avoided seeing her future for. She wanted to live them and boy was she living.

“You’ll help me name these babies, right? I value your input. I thought maybe you could help with the gaje names and Andrzej can help with the Romany names.

I like Ezra for a boy. I dreamt about having a son named Ezra once and it’s been stuck in my head since. Maybe these babies will be boys! Give Zev some brothers to play with, a break from little sisters.” She laughed and looked over to her wife. “I’ll have to find the list of names we came up with last time. I didn’t think we would need them anytime soon, but maybe there’s some names we still like on it.”

[Thea]

Despite her words to the contrary, Thea had a feeling her wife was still going to try to meddle. From a logical standpoint, she could understand why Aileigh would feel the need to remedy the tension between her lover and her wife. She still did not like it though and did not want Aileigh to stress herself trying to resolve their issues. Maybe Thea should try harder to like him. The thought was not appealing but she would at least think about it.

"I know you like order, but I am very skilled at doing things out of order. Follow my lead and it will not be so bad."

Thea teased her wife with a wink. Aileigh liked order and planning and Thea hardly thought out anything she ever did. She acted on impulse often and it definitely got her into trouble, but this was the one area where her impulsivity was likely to help her. Romance could be spontaneous. Perhaps she would actually be good at this.

"Yes, I will help you with the names."

She did not mind Aileigh seeking Andrzej's help with the Romany names. Thea was not Romany and only understood a minimal amount of her culture. It would make sense for her to get assistance from someone who actually understood the significance of the naming practices. Plus, he was the father by blood regardless of how Aileigh and Thea would present things to the world.

"Zev could use brothers to challenge him a bit. He is very good at pushing his sisters around, even at his young age."

"Maybe Maeve or Helena for a girl? Or Imogen is nice. I feel like boys' names are trickier. Zev's name is not really a name… I half made it up. Amias? Cade?"