The World of Secfenia

Thea still could not tell if Aileigh was happy or upset, nor could she tell if she wanted her to keep the baby or end the pregnancy. It all felt more confusing now. Why was there never an easy answer in her life?

Her wife would love the child as her own. Of course, she would see it as a blessing even if things were hectic at first. The question that lingered on Thea's mind was whether or not Aileigh would judge her or resent her down the line if she terminated. Thea would certainly judge herself.

"Lenora's pregnancy was not as bad, minus the bedrest near the end. I do not know…"

Her mind went back and forth. She briefly considered flipping a coin but that seemed morbid.

"If this had happened a year from now or even six months then I do not think it would be a question – do you?"

It was a fair question. If it were different circumstances, if Aileigh wasn’t pregnant, would they even be having this conversation?

“I don’t think we would be considering termination if the timing was different,” she answered honestly. How much weight did that fact carry for their current situation though? Because the ponder was fine and all, but in reality they were expecting two more children by January.

“Would you like me to look into the future..? I can see if we can handle it. It would ruin the genders, but for you, I would do it.”

The offer was simple, but unusual. It was not a secret amongst them that she disliked seeing her own future. However, if it would help Thea decide on whether or not she wished to keep the pregnancy, she would bend her rule and take a peek. She could see if they were happy or overwhelmed, if the babies were healthy, that sort of thing.

Everything felt uncertain. It was very tempting to let Aileigh look into the future and attempt to see an outcome, but she knew how much her wife hated seeing her own future. It felt wrong to make her do that, even if she was the one who offered.

Thea rubbed her temple before shaking her head in response to Aileigh's offer.

"No. That is not what I want. I do not want you doing something that makes you uncomfortable or that you dislike. I just want this to have a simple answer."

She sounded like a petulant child who was not getting her way. Either way that her mind went felt like the wrong answer. Keeping the baby felt wrong. Terminating the pregnancy felt wrong. It was all wrong. Everything was wrong.

"I do not know. Maybe I should think about it more before deciding."

With a sigh, she got up slowly and looked at her wife. Aileigh was too good for her. She was so patient and understanding. She loved freely and was kind to everyone. Thea, in juxtaposition, was a thorny and judgmental grouch of a person.

Thea leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her partner's forehead.

"I really am sorry."

She then turned to leave Aileigh's office. She needed time to think.

Aileigh could appreciate Thea not taking her up on her offer, but she was glad to offer it all the same. If it helped guide her wife through the challenging and confusing thoughts, she would do it. After all, a seer was meant to be a guide. Still, she felt a bit of relief when Thea decided against it.

She nodded, “Take your time.”

It was a major decision - a life changing one. Sometimes it was good to take a breath and refocus. Of course, Thea couldn’t take too long or else the risks of termination would increase. There was no need to verbalize that though; they were both very aware that it was a time sensitive matter. However, that didn’t mean they needed to decide today.

When Thea stood up and kissed her forehead, a warm smile overcome her worried look. She grabbed her arm as she went to turn away to quickly say, “You have nothing to be sorry for.” She said it in hopes of taking some of the guilt and pressure away. She let go and watched her wife leave.

Aileigh sat there for a moment by herself, silence surrounding her. Bright eyes slowly shifted to the covered crystal ball. Maybe she’d take a peek anyway…

She shook her head. Looking into the future would ruin a few things: 1) the gender of the twins, 2) the gender of Thea’s baby (should she keep it), 3) the names they will choose, but most fretting, 4) how her relationship with Thea (and Andrzej) continued. She was scared to see an end before it even really began.

Sighing, she rose to her feet and left the room in search of a cat. She needed something to cuddle.