[CRP] The Right Answer

[Thea]

The day after Thea had realized she was pregnant she left Ettinford. This time, however, she did so with the full knowledge of her wife. She was not running away this time – though that was also tempting, she could not possibly do that to Aileigh again. She would never be able to forgive herself.

Thea told her partner her plan the evening of the revelation. She would go and visit Cordelia. Even though she had visited her cousin very recently, she hoped that Cora would be able to help her in some way. Aileigh was emotional from her own pregnancy and equally did not want to force Thea’s choice. While Thea appreciated that, it was not what she needed. She needed someone who would help her see reason and make the right choice. Cordelia had done that for her many times in the past. Even though they were cousins, she was more akin to her older (wiser) sister.

Without a carriage and a bunch of children, the travel to the Highlands was much swifter. She arrived by horseback mid-afternoon the day after she had started her journey. Thea had sent a letter ahead to tell her cousin she would be coming, but still, it was not a lot of time to prepare.

[Cordelia]

When Cordelia received a letter informing her of her cousin's imminent arrival, she grew concerned. It was only a few weeks ago that the Sanchari Winterbourne household had come to stay with them. It was not that she didn't want to see her cousin, because she always would want to, but it was more of a question of why. She hoped everything was okay.

Cora was in her office when she was told of a lone rider approaching the Keep. She nodded, requesting refreshments be brought to the sitting room, and got up to escape paperwork, deciding to meet Thea in the entry hall. When she spotted her cousin, she smiled warmly, but there was something serious in the air around them.

"Hello cousin. Welcome back. I am glad you made it safely, traveling by yourself." It was almost a scold, but the relief was evident. Together, the Winterbourne women made their way to the sitting room, where refreshments awaited: tea, biscuits, and wine. She poured herself a cup of tea and sat down.

"To what do I owe the pleasure? You're letter was not very telling."

[Thea]

As she approached the keep, Thea was easily spotted by the servants of Clogwyn. A stablehand quickly relieved her of her steed as another servant welcomed her inside the entry hall. She had barely shrugged off her riding cloak when Cordelia entered.

"Traveling alone is far from the worst thing I have ever done."

Thea answered her cousin with a weak smile that did not meet her eyes. She knew that Cora was just trying to look out for her, but really this was small compared to the many other reckless things she had done in her life.

She followed her cousin into the sitting room and sat down across from her. There was tea, wine, and biscuits available in front of her but she did not touch any of it. Her cousin knew this was not just a friendly visit, and thus did not waste time trying to solve the mystery of her arrival.

"I have messed up, Cora. I am in a mess of my own creation and I do not know what to do."

[Cordelia]

Thea’s words were about as telling as her letter was. She frowned, lips pursed delicately, as she sat her teacup down. Thea had a tendency of getting herself into situations, but this seemed serious. Her grey eyes searched the mirroring ones across from her.

“What’s wrong? Are you and Aileigh okay?”

That was were her mind went. She knew they had become friends in their time married, but she was worried that it was a delicate friendship. They had a family together and that could put stress on something that’s not built on love… Especially when one of them was in love, just with someone else. She wondered if the time had come for the marriage to fall apart, which would be messy and stressful for everyone involved. Did Thea do something to upset her wife?

[Thea]

Thea pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

"I guess I need to backtrack a bit for you to understand it all."

It felt like an arduous task, especially as she was sure that Cordelia would be surprised and have questions.

"Obviously, you know Aileigh is pregnant by Andrzej. When we returned home to Ettinford she figured out that she is in fact carrying twins… again. Which is fine. That is not the problem. I told her we would be alright and that we would just hire an additional nanny."

She paused briefly to let this information sink in before continuing with the story.

"What became an issue was that Aileigh wanted Andrzej to be involved as the father. I told her that changes things. How could it not? The children would know that they are not mine. They would be different from their older siblings. I see it as difficult to avoid issues in the future. Maybe these imagined scenarios will not happen, but this led to an argument with us. Things got heated but resolved quickly."

"…and then I kissed her. And then she kissed me…"

“I did not understand what had come over me. It felt wrong that I had done that and I did not know what it meant.”

“So then I did what I do best. I ran away."

"I was gone for three or four weeks. I drank a lot and did a lot of stuff that I do not remember."

"I do remember falling into bed with a man."

"After that I went home. I apologized to Aileigh for running away. We talked and I confessed that I had feelings for her, something I did not even realize when I had kissed her. We decided to try things for real – I agreed not to make her choose between me and Andrzej and she agreed not to try to change who I am."

Thea was sure her cousin would understand what she meant by this. Cordelia was one of the few people who knew Thea well.

"It was all fine until… well, I am pregnant."

She looked at Cora, hoping this news would not hurt her in any way. She knew that she had struggled to conceive again since having Winter.

"Which would not be an issue except Aileigh is pregnant with twins due in December. And now I do not know what to do. I do not know the right answer."

[Cordelia]

The story was a wild and unexpected one. She followed along, leaning forward as she listened. Aileigh, twins. Again. Goodness were the Sanchari women fertile. She knew Aileigh was pregnant, as halfway through their visit, she confessed to it. It explained the sickness that ailed her night and day during their visit. She was surprised to learn about the twins though.

She did the math quickly, understanding it would take them up to six children. A part of her was jealous, but she was happy for her family members so long as they were happy about it too. Aileigh seemed overwhelmed, but happy. So she chose to be happy too.

She thought it was right for Thea to be wary to have Andrzej be a father figure in the twins’ lives. It would complicate things. She was not surprised to learn that Aileigh wanted that though. It made sense with her hopeless romantic nature and wanting to have the perfect family.

The kiss… Now that threw her off. The Thea she knew her whole life was very, very straight. There was no telling how many men she had been with in her free spirited lifestyle, but to the best of her knowledge, it had only been men. She wondered when that changed, but she listened quietly, keeping her questions to herself for now.

That’s when the final bombshell dropped. Pregnant. Again. Surprised, she picked up her cup and took a long sip to wet her lips before breaking her silence.

“That’s a lot to unpack…

For starters, I think you’re right to say no about Andrzej acting as a father. It would complicate things and perhaps cause chaos that cannot be undone.

Now… You and Aileigh. I have to admit I did not see that coming. I didn’t think you were into women… Or into Aileigh. It seems like a happy development though and I am happy for you, if this makes you happy. I’m sure Aileigh is living her best life alongside you. And I think it’s noble of you to not force her to choose between you and Andrzej.

On the topic of your situation… So tell me, why is it an issue? It is a personal choice, of course, but if Aileigh was not pregnant, would it matter that you are? Or would you still be sitting in turmoil?

Are you stuck because you feel guilty?”

Cordelia stared at Thea, gauging her response. She spoke straight forward, but with support in her voice. Her cousin came to her with a dilemma and she would do what she could to help her.

[Thea]

Thea had unloaded a lot onto Cordelia without giving her a chance to interject. It was only natural that she would need to backtrack a bit to ask questions or make comments about the whole situation, not just the part that Thea sought advice on.

She was relieved that her cousin agreed with her about Andrzej acting as father to the twins, but still she clarified further to make sure they were truly seeing the same side.

"Even if he just acted in that role privately I think it would still cause issues and create tension. The argument had ended, but I do not know that we are actually on the same page there. I told her I would not stop her but I would be lying if I said it did not complicate things. Aileigh and I may need to discuss it more, however, that is not why I am here."

"I am not into women. Not broadly anyway, not in the way you are thinking. I do not know… I have never felt like this before. I guess it was building for a while. But my attraction to women ends with Aileigh, and I still like men."

It felt difficult to explain, but again this was not why she had come so she moved on. Thea sighed heavily.

"I do feel guilty. I suppose that is at least part of it. It feels unfair to put this burden on Aileigh when she is excited for the twins. When I told her she seemed happy at first, but then I asked her if she was upset with me and she said 'maybe.' If Aileigh was not pregnant then it probably would matter less, but she is pregnant. That is the reality."

[Cordelia]

Cordelia nodded along.

"It's okay to feel guilty, but I think that's something you can work past. Knowing Aileigh, she's more than likely just overwhelmed than actually upset, which is fair. It's a lot happening all at once. However, we both know how she adores children above all else. She's strong; I think she can handle what's to come should you keep the baby.

Because that's the dilemma, isn't it? You aren't sure if you want to terminate this pregnancy." The words themselves had not been spoken, but Cordelia put the pieces together. She removed her personal feelings from the situation - the heart of a mother with a desire for more children - in lieu of a guide and friend. Head tilting, she asked, "What is it your afraid of? You have the space, you have the money, you have the support. Three babies is more than you've had at once so far, but you managed with the girls okay. Lenora will be a year around the time of these babies' births, which will make things easier. Logistically, I think you would be okay. As they say, 'what's one more?'. But something deep is holding you back and I don't think you can come to a conclusion until you realize what it is.

Do you not want anymore children? You never said how you feel about Aileigh's pregnancy."

[Thea]

Cordelia and Thea were usually on the same page with most things. They had vastly different personalities, and yet they always understood where the other one was coming from. This time, however, Thea felt as though her cousin was misunderstanding why she felt so lost.

The younger woman shook her head no.

"That is not it, Cora. I do not mind the children. I may not be the best mother ever, but Aileigh is. She is good with them and she dotes on them. She is what I wish I had with my own mother. As long as Aileigh wants more children, then I am happy to give them to her."

"But she is already pregnant with Andrzej’s babies and this would be a third one on top of that. Plus four toddlers! It is not fair to her and she does not even know if we can handle it."

She paused and swallowed before adding.

"What if this breaks my marriage because I was stupid and reckless?"

[Cordelia]

Cordelia listened as her cousin explained, gaining better insight into the plight. She never really expected Thea to want children. She figured she just tolerated their presence, and maybe in a way, that was true. However, something had shifted in her cousin that she had not really seen. She was happy for the growth, even if it was unexpected. Aileigh wanted them, so Thea was happy to oblige.

It also went to speak for the growing relationship between the wives. They were always an interesting pair, but they complimented each other well. Now that love was in the equation, it seemed to be bringing out a different side of her cousin she’d yet to see nor thought she’d ever see. Thea in love, what a strange and exciting new development.

Now understanding the concerns, Cordelia offered a soft smile.

“I do not think this will break your marriage. Your marriage is built strong on understanding and support. Now there is the most powerful component - love. If anything, your marriage has never been so strong. Lean into that strength.

It’s true children can be a strain on a relationship, but I don’t think it’s something that would break you two. If anything, it’s only brought you more together. Who’s to say this child won’t continue to draw you closer?”